RECOVERY STORY OF THE MONTH
Sobriety Date: March 9, 2020
My name is Leacy and I am an alcoholic. My sobriety date is March 9th, 2020. I am 34 years old. I have a mom, dad, step mom, two brothers, and two stepsisters that love me. My parents divorced when I was two, so I grew up between two homes, and none of that made me an alcoholic. I was very spoiled and had everything I needed and just about every single thing I wanted. I was loved.
My drinking started in high school, and I looked forward to every weekend. I can’t say that I drank to fit in or for friends. The truth is I just loved the way it made me feel. I was a blackout drinker from the start. I honestly didn’t see the problem with that until I got older and would wake up embarrassed, wondering what I had done the night before. I never really thought I had a problem with alcohol. It was the other forms that were my problem, right? No, I have had DUI’s, I’ve been arrested on several occasions due to drinking, and any trouble I’ve ever been in was due to alcohol, not the other stuff. I had school suspensions due to drinking at, or before, school—the list could go on.
I was very spoiled and had everything I needed and just about every single thing I wanted. I was loved.
I started with the other forms of alcohol in my early 20’s and started trying to get sober in 2013. I just couldn’t grasp it because I was never fully willing, or even wanting, to be completely sober. So, of course, it never worked. I always thought if I could put some time together and try to do a few of the things that were suggested of me, I’d be able to do the things I wanted to do. I had some sober time my first time sober, but wasn’t working with a sponsor, stopped going to meetings, and wasn’t doing the things I was taught would keep me sober.
October of 2015, my boyfriend decided to rob a pizza store with a replica gun and take five police departments on a high speed chase which ended in him being gunned down and killed. I was changed…I cared about nothing, and I honestly remember feeling so lost that I didn’t even care at that point whether I lived or died. My world had been shattered. I chose to pick up and use that as an excuse for the next three years. I cared about nothing, not the family that was always there, not that little girl who is my best friend, not the friends that tried so hard to get me together—nothing mattered but that next drink. I took my mom through hell and back. And that woman is my biggest fan, supporter, my hero, and also my biggest enabler. And I preyed on that.
I decided one day on that run that I was going to leave and not check in with a single person for the next 10 months. How shameful. I was a missing person. My mother was making funeral preparations, and “I wasn’t hurting anyone but myself.” Meanwhile my daughter, that beautiful little human that I made, was wondering why her mommy left her and if she would ever see me again. I woke up on January 7th and somehow made it to my mom’s house—I was defeated and ready. I asked my mom for help, and of course she was right there with open arms, asking where do we start. My mom bought me alcohol for that day because I couldn’t get into detox until the following day, and she just wanted me to make it until I could go. She was there for me and watched me sleep all night. My dad came the next morning, and we all drove to Rosary Hall.
I asked my mom for help, and of course she was right there with open arms, asking where do we start.
My bed was set at the Jean Marie House (JMH) because my best friend since high school had been through there and had always spoken so highly of it, so that was the only place I was willing to go. My family knew I was safe and they slept…finally! I made it to JMH on Jan 14, 2019. I had never been so grateful walking into that building, the whole 94 lbs. that I was. It was over!
I lived there for the next 8 1/2 months breaking every rule I could, both big and small. Once again doing things my way… no sponsor, no meetings, not hanging out with my friends, hanging by a thread. I lost my job, fell into depression (which I struggle with), and I picked up. I overdosed, and my mom and daughter found me. I’m disgusted with myself, but honestly not surprised. I struggled for the next month to stay sober until I picked up again and started using daily for the next three weeks. I stole from my mom, broke the hearts of everyone around me, because, again, when I use I’m not hurting anyone but me. This was the first time I finally understood and realized that I actually was hurting EVERYONE around me, and that was a tough pill to swallow.
Katie Patton, the Director of Jean Marie House, threw me out of JMH months prior, and she was the last person I wanted to call. I needed help, again. She was the only person I could even imagine calling. It was a Saturday afternoon, I sent her a text. She asked if I was okay, and I responded NO. She was at her daughter’s cheerleading competition and stopped what she was doing to call me. I cried, and she said “we got this.” The next day I was in detox again.
This was the first time I finally understood and realized that I actually was hurting EVERYONE around me, and that was a tough pill to swallow.
I walked through JMH’s doors once again on March 16, 2020. I was not grateful, and I was broken. I’m here again, but this time during a pandemic lockdown. Everyone I cared about was mad and wanted nothing to do with me. I needed that time. I got busy and did everything I’d skipped over other times. I did every single thing asked of me and followed every single rule. My first sponsor really opened my eyes on my fourth day back at JMH. She said “Leacy, I believe in you, stop selling yourself short.” It really resonated with me and everything changed, I was finally ready. I finally accepted the fact that I will never be able to drink, not ever. As soon as I honestly and truly believed that, things changed, and sobriety started working and making perfect sense.
I still live at that house today. I do group there every Wednesday, and I make sure that I am a part of things at that house. Those new girls will never wonder who I am, and they know me! I have the most beautiful sponsor who I try every day to be more like. I have the best relationship with my mom and daughter. I have the most amazing, supportive, and strong women in my life today! People trust me again, and it’s amazing! I’ve had to work to get here and life is just really good. I’ve never been happier and more willing to just be a better person. WE DO RECOVER.